A Few Final Paragraphs From The First GONK Champion Who Is Also Much More Popularly Known By Whole Countries As The Man Named Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing

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A Few Final Paragraphs From The First GONK Champion Who Is Also Much More Popularly Known By Whole Countries As The Man Named Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing

Post  Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing on Sun Oct 17, 2010 9:50 pm

The cameras backstage run into a face that is familiar to millions around the world. Even though he wears a mask, his every move, his every match, is scrutinized by fans from across the seven seas.

He is none other than the Greatest GONK. The man named Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.

The masked wrestler begins to talk to the camera, even as the live audience breaks out into a spontaneous cheer as they see him.

Q: "Hello, my lustful legions of fans!"

They cheer for him.

Q: "I am here tonight to prepare for a champion vs champion fight against the Dominator of the World Domination Wrestling! But first, I must show you something!"

Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing raises his GONK title to the camera.

Q: "Do you see this! It is a lovely trinket, and a stylish fashion accessory! The championship is made of pure sterling silver, with the details all done by hand! The belt strap is made from high grade llama leather! You can see that they used duct tape to keep the whole thing together, but I have been told it is very good duct tape! The same duct tape used by NASA! Do you see this GONK title! It can be yours for a reasonable price! I would like you, my loving fans, to make me an offer! Tell me what you think this championship belt is worth, and if I agree, I will sell it to you!"

Go to www.TheActualNPWGONKTitleAuctionbytheGreatestGONKChampionQuioaecaopedidwazhapzhing.com.bs flashes on the screen.

Q: "And now to my other business at hand! While I agreed to fight the Dominator Champion of the WDW, I must file a protest at the last-minute change being forced upon me! I agreed to a champion vs champion match! But somehow, they expect me to go around the Morbidly Obese Man in 30 minutes! They did not tell me that I would need to get airfare, train fare, and rent a car!"

The masked wrestler named Quioaecaopedidwazhapzhing pulls out a poster. We see it shows a very large and very flabby chest and belly.

Q: "I cannot realistically traverse the treacherous gorge between his mantitties without a sherpa to guide me!"

He points to the chest of the Morbidly Obese Man, where folds upon folds upon folds of sweaty skin are found. Barely seen are the lifeless legs of a grasshopper, the rest of it buried deep between the Morbidly Obese Man's folds of skin.

Q: I am an athlete! I am not a mountain climber! I am not even properly dressed to climb over the folds of flesh that await me! What if I cannot find a toilet! This extreme survival challenge they have given me is a travesty of the sport! I am not even being given hazard pay for this stunt!"

The GONK Champion energetically rants about his situation as the video runs out.

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